wow

realising ive been left out on so much of my life hurts. letting my childhood and teenage years go to waste because of being different sucks. i never really got to experience the fun adventurousness of youth because of being held back by everything.
though im still young, it just isnt the same. not being able to get out there and love others and be in love because im the "weird kid", though sounds cheesy but its real. being the kid with the disability and oblivious to everything is just a huge reason to push me away.
i always wanted to go out with my friends in middle school and go exploring like the kids in the films i admired, my "friends" at the time didnt want to, and eventually pushed me away for being too annoying, which has fully stuck with me. 
i really dont try to be annoying, im passionate about what i like and know what i want, but its hard to communicate that without seeming childish and pushy. 

i do try as hard as i can now to not let that part of me out, but now im just seen as the quiet kid that never wants to speak to anyone. yes most people that do talk to me now still treat me like a child, i guess thats just how i will always seem to people.
things like these are the only places i feel safe and comfortable ranting about my interests and life problems because at least it isnt fully pushed onto anyone.
i dont mean for anyone to read these, its really not a necessary thing, i just need to let out all my repressed emotions now.