my uni experience... so far

so i just submitted my first university assessment, and god trying to write it was such a pain in the ass. i wanted to refer to the marking rubric, but i honestly couldn't be bothered to deconstruct that stuff on my own lmao. anyways, i just need to accept that i wrote what i wrote, and that there's no turning back. at least i finished an assessment a day early, which is surprising because i always put these things to the last minute. i'm in my self control/organisation era

i've been attending university for around 3/4 weeks now, and i really need to detail my current experience because it's been a mixed bag of emotions ngl. also keep in mind i only attend the first three days of the week (i.e. mon, tues, and wed) 

it's weird because i can't even remember the first week... i do remember it was super hot, and i lowkey hated every single second of it because i was clearly in a vulnerable position. everybody in my class was YEARS older than me, and their arsenal of knowledge was incomparable to mine, which made me feel even more out of place. although, i did find a few friends but even that couldn't save me from how on edge i was throughout the entire day

which then leads me to my second week, which was a SLIGHT improvement from the hell that was week one. i started actually hanging out with my friends after class instead of forcefully being alone the entire day. yet, i still felt out of place in my classes and it didn't helped that i was unprepared ASF, meaning i was rapidly taking notes for hours upon hours

then, the third week was honestly pretty chill. i don't know what happened but i just started participating more in class, answering the questions the lecturers gave 2 me, as well as making a new friend, whom i hung out with during my break also. however, assessments will be riding up my ass soon so i really need to focus x3... the intimidation i felt throughout the first two weeks was starting to die down though, and i'm slowly constructing a uni schedule, so i know where to go during my breaks instead of helplessly looking for things to do and places to sit/eat

so my experience is slowly getting better while still showing hints of negativity, but nothing beats school for me tbh. i miss having a place i was familiar with, as well as forming bonds with the teachers, and ofc my friends. i was at my school for 13 whole years so for the longest time, it was the only thing i knew, and in that moment i felt as if i were on top of the world. so, to see all of that come crashing down in the course of like... 4 months is CRAZY to say the least -_-, but, i need to come to terms with the fact that... this is my new life now... no matter how badly i want to go back i simply cannot. i do not want to be the person that peaked in high school, so i'm essentially training my brain to like... find happiness in the future, and focus on finding a new grp of friends.

however, overall, i'm still very lost, in life and at uni, so i'm waiting to bounce back one day so i can prove to my old self that i MADE IT. i overcame all that negative emotion and i'm Actually thriving. i'll post something if i ever do, but i love u kero nation. i know y'all mainly reside on twitter but y'all are my biggest supporters out

anyways, this is me signing off. i'll see y'all tmrw or sumn lol 

kero