alone in diagnoses

being 22 and learning you were born with a disability that's just gonna keep getting worse and worse over the course of your life is pretty rough. it has caused a pelvic organ prolapse i'm gonna need surgery for soon. it'll be my third surgery so i'm not too worried. i'm just scared of missing summer with my boyfriend. but even he doesn't seem to care too much about how i'm doing.

my life just keeps going downhill. last year i got a handicap placard due to a heart problem that developed as a result of hEDS i presume. they found pre-cancer in a colonoscopy when i was 20. i don't have a lot of high hopes for the future if so much is wrong so young. it's scary. i'm terrified.

i'm lucky my best friend listens well and cares. i don't wish any of these things on her, but it's not something you can understand unless you have it. it's isolating. i'm losing control. i don't even want kids but i was told that due to the organ prolapse if i ever had kids it would have to be a c section...and then i found out i have adenomyosis. i mean, i don't THINK i want kids, but the choice being possibly taken from me is horrifying. i want an out. i don't want to be in pain the rest of my life.

and this is only the PHYSICAL stuff i'm talking about. i have multiple mental illnesses from trauma, along with being born with adhd and autism. i can't believe i have to deal with so much. i know people have it worse, i'm sure they do. my mom reminds me of that all the time. but i want to be told i'm strong again. people only care at first. they get tired of dealing with you being sick all the time. it's heartbreaking.