💿vent💿

i gotta love our phone unplugging/dying in our sleep. i guess were skipping class unintentionally which is fine i dont think we were doing anything big today so its fine. gives us time to work on all the art due tomorrow.

this stuff just always makes me so upset. getting yanked out of whatever we were doing in our dreams into the real world and having to come to terms with all the time that just escaped us. time is almost a fucking trigger for me honestly. like just the passage of time. i cannot fucking deal with it i feel my life slipping away with every passing second. if im told plans too soon it like shatters my entire world i feel so unprepared always. why cant i just stop everything. i need it to stop so i can get caught up please. theres so much to do always and were just too fucking slow and exhausted. it makes me want to cry i cant take this world. i dont even know what i want. dirks always saying how he wishes he could just live in the computer so he doesnt have to deal with everything and i dont even know if that would make me feel better. i just want to stay in my apartment and be alone and have everything just stop.

honestly if i could pause time it would be terrible. it would be stopped for so fucking long. i need social interaction to not implode so it wouldnt be forever but it would be enough time for me to at least sleep for 3 whole days. i guarantee if we had no time consequences, our body is so exhausted from how many of us just stay up til we cant anymore that we could do that so easily. and it sounds so nice as the one is the most tired soldier out of all of us.

i just really hate this reality and i want to be somewhere else. i dont feel good im gonna go smoke weed. dirk and hal are here so at least im not actively like. breaking down or something since they were there when i woke up to be like "Hey, not a big deal its probably better that we skipped.".