So…

Honestly, I have no business on here but anyways. Idcidcidc.

Ima share some scary shit. 

Well scary to me atleast cause I went through something similar. Kinda~

Anyways, so around 2018/2019 I believe it was. I remember waking up one day, and feeling THE WORST pain I EVER felt. And I knew it wasn’t cramps. It was so out of the blue that I figured it would go away within a few mins. Well i went on about my day barley being able to breathe, walk, laugh, or sneeze because it would trigger the pain. So I figured i’d make an appointment after my girlfriend at the time told me to make one. I was gana be stubborn and just wait it out btw. So i had an appointment like 2 days from when the pain started, I know you may think “why didn’t you just got to the ER” and that’s cause 

1. Im stubborn as hell

2. I was technically “easing the pain” by smoking.

So the day of the appointment came, and they proceeded to do an ultrasound, intravaginally to be specific. And they told me they’d call me to let me know if I need to come back in or if I don’t. So i waited and the next day while I was at work (I worked at Starbucks at the time) they called me and I couldn’t answer. So they leave me a voicemail letting me know to just give them a call back asap. Did I? No. Because I got completely distracted and for some odd reason, I was no longer feeling the pain. So a few months go by and I go to get my IUD removed. (No im not a goldstar lesbian unfortunately. Makes me sick) so i schedule an appointment at the clinic where i went to go get it inserted, and they were able to see my notes on there and such. And the OBGYN that was gana remove my IUD asked me how I was feeling and I told her I was fine, and she asked me if I still feel any pain and I asked her what she meant, and she proceeded to let me know that on my notes it says that I recently went to the hospital and got an ultrasound done and I confirmed that it did in fact happen. And she continued by telling me that the notes say that I have a cyst on my left ovary, which is where I felt the excruciating pain. And she kept asking me if I was okay and did an exam like putting light pressure on my abdomen type shit. And I told her I didn’t feel any pain anymore. Then after her exam, she proceeded to let me know that if I feel the pain again to rush to the emergency room because it can turn into cancer. And she also mentioned that cysts tend to disappear and come back. 

So now that you know that story, im gana share THIS sad ass video I saw. And it was of a woman who had ovarian cancer, and she had to get them removed.. and after she got them removed she was saying how her feelings for her husband were nonexistent. And that she started feeling that way after the surgery, then she said that she just feels so cold hearted all the time. No emotions whatsoever. No happiness, sadness, pain. Just numbness. And it got me thinking “damn what if that was me had the cyst never gone away…” 

I mean i’m a bitch. And pretty damn toxic. But like to just feel NO EMOTION AT ALL? That’s heartbreaking. AND her husband does EVERYTHING he can to make her feel special. But it just doesn’t do anything. :(

Safe to say i’ve never felt the pain again, and HOPE I never do. 

But yeah. That was the scariest moment of my life. Mostly cause I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly on my ovary c: 

But anyways, get your paps done ladies! :)