MARCH/20/2023

March 20th 2023 4:56 PM

Lyric: What do you think of my treehouse? It's where I sit and talk really loud

Mood: happy 

Late entry because I had midterms today. Well...a midterm. This was my first real college midterm tbh. It was...stressful and I think I did poorly. I'm kinda feeling shitty about it. But it's only 10% of my grade so...so... *starts crying*

Lmao whatever I'm sure it'll be fine. Anyway I finished my essays and whatever so I'm pretty scot free rn. I'm gonna write some fan fiction and maybe take a nap but idk. I actually did makeup today and gosh...mascara fucking sucks. Lol

I can't stop thinking lately about how I made the wrong choice coming to this school. Do I love it here? Yes. Am I happy? Yes. Am I fulfilled? Yes. Would I be happier at another school? Absolutely not. But that doesn't change this nagging thought that I'm not really an artist. I love art and I love comics and I love drawing but...writing is something I'm good at. Art isn't. I'm not good at drawing, I'm just insanely passionate about it. I'm genuinely good at writing. Writing fiction, writing nonfiction, writing essays, literally any writing. I'm actually good at it (and I do like it). Maybe it was a bad idea to follow my passion over my talent, you know? I don't fit in with everyone else at this school. These people are all talented and I just doodle stupid little tv show characters. I feel out of place.

This is going to sound shitty but I'm genuinely really astonished by how few people are able to actually write...an essay? At least, in my essay writing class. I know these people all went to high school...did you not have to write essays in high school? I'm so confused. A lot of these people can't even write a simple sentence with proper grammar. I was like...90% sure that's required to get a high school degree.

It's so weird to think about how I was homeschooled literally my whole life. I had no school experience. I was completely isolated from all my peers...going literal years without talking to a single person my own age was maybe not the absolute best thing for my development...hm.

Anyway I'm going to go write fan fiction and just kind of. Not think about it. Just don't think about it.

Song: Shelter by Porter Robinson and Madeon