I hate him.

I'm not sure what to do. I really loved him and he decided to up and leave. It makes me feel like I was never enough and sort of worthless. He wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my friend. Not talking to him has been hell, but it has also opened up opportunities. I'm not held back, I have some freedom now. He treated me terribly yet I still kept going back. I hated the way he made me feel. I wish I could find someone as good as him, even if the bar is on the floor. I don't want to say I miss him, but I almost do. I know I shouldn't, because he treated me worse than the people he actually hated. He loved other girls and it always made me wonder... why not me? Why am I so different? Why couldn't I be good enough for him? I wish I hadn't even met him. He has made the last few years a living hell. At this point I'm not sure what to do without all the free time I have now instead of making up mindless arguments.