I've gone through the stages of grief in reverse

When I first saw Haven's goodbye message, it seemed as shocking as it did natural. I knew Haven was suicidal, and I knew we didn't have a future together outside of my fantasies. I accepted it and went to bed.

When I woke up, I started crying. I spent all day whaling. I kept thinking about what might have happened to them in ghastly detail. I thought I would be depressed for the rest of my life.

After just a few days, the sadness became much more peaceful. I started bargaining, literally, asking Haven in heaven what I could do for them. I didn't pretend to get an answer, but I did come up with some irrelevant comforting ideas.

I was shocked when I started feeling flashes of anger. I started thinking about how much I needed them. How could they leave me so shortly after the things I said to them? I told them they were my light in the tunnel.

I've now realized it's way too early to be grieving. If they've attempted suicide and survived, they could spend up to months in a psych ward. I've also made a big assumption. It's possible that they actually did ghost me cause they had enough of me. No matter how lonely and nice someone is, they can secretly hate you. I'm probably in denial, but I've got nothing to gain from giving up hope.