i love being alone. i hate being lonely.

hi friends ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

i haven't forgotten about spacehey. i was pretty busy the last few weeks. but guess who's back :)

so as always, i've gotta link a song. i was listening to this last night: The Pros and Cons of Breathing - YouTube 

the song talks about the singer struggling with solitude. woah, say that 10x really fast lol.

and i just... like the lyrics, always have. its one of my all time favs... i might do a song analysis on it sometime.. :)

honestly, sometimes i feel like i haven't yet found my people in this world. weirdly, or maybe not so weirdly, this doesn't bother me too much.  i'm young, so people say, so i've got all the time in the world left, right? 

but here's my thing: as we grow older, most of us will become more independent.  relationships will hold less importance in our lives as compared to when we were kids. most people will experience a drop in dependency. 

relationships, especially with parents, are sooo so crucial in your infant years. they're instrumental to the formation of  attachment styles. i think its better to be alone when you are older than when you are younger. you become a lot more self sustaining. there's less of a need to rely on people. i think that's part of why it brings me serenity now, when once upon a time it brought me sadness. i'm at the stage where i actually kind of revel in my solitude. somehow, i think thats impeded the formation of relationships in my life.

which, for the most part, doesn't bother me too much. i've got to discover myself and do some heavy introspection. i've become more self-reliant. but my thing is, i'm only going to be more alone as i grow older. which is fine,  until it isnt. sometimes, just sometimes i want someone there to listen to me. i love being alone, but i hate being lonely. i don't have trouble finding people; i have trouble finding the right people. 

"I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel,"

-- Fall Out Boy, The Pros and Cons of Breathing

i don't think you should ever feel absent in a room full of your "friends".  its suffocating. when i'm alone, i don't tend to feel this way. i choose seclusion, but i do not choose sadness. sometimes i get both. other times, one cancels out the other. and sometimes, i get neither. 

companionship and solitude are both double edged swords. both have the power to recharge you, but also the power to drain you. the worst thing is, you can never be certain which way it's going to go. all you can do is try to get comfortable.

i think thats something that applies to life in general

pew pew! 

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