MARCH/19/2023

March 19th 2023 9:56 AM

Lyric: After me comes the flood

Mood: in pain 

Yesterday Will and I went to this art book fair. I brought my cane instead of my wheelchair so we could take public transportation. There was no seats on the subway which! Wow that fucked me up, ouch man. Then the subway didn't stop at our stop...or the next one...or the next one. So we had to walk quite a distance to get there. We finally did get there and it was super fun! But then I decided we should walk home bc idk...I'm not very smart. Anyway it was so fucking painful. I passed out on the sidewalk twice. Will really really wanted to carry me but like...this man is a twig and, without getting into my body insecurities, I Am Not. 

We finally did get home and I passed out and couldn't be woken for six or seven-ish hours. Will got pizza which was nice <3 hehe he's so sweet

When I woke up this morning I couldn't move my legs. .-. Which is normal for the amount of shit I put my body through yesterday, but wow it fucking sucks! So basically...I'm not doing super great lol

The last time I had one of my "literally can't move my legs" episodes I was at home where I could just like... crawl. Lmao. But in the dorm my bed is lofted. How do I get down...and also I have to meet up with my future roommates to pick out our dorm today?? Fuck. My wheelchair can't even fit in our bathroom...this sucks.

I'm going to be really really fucking mean for a moment but...there's a few disability accessible dorms at my school. I wanted to get one cuz...I mean...wheelchair? Yeah. But it's luck of the draw so I didn't get one. But this girl I know came up to me and said she felt "guilty" because she got the accessible dorm. You know why she wanted the accessible dorm? Her roommates made a bit of noise and it triggered her anxiety (no, by her own admission, she never asked them to stop). You know why she got the accessible dorm? Her dad made a call to the school and contributed some extra cash...extra cash that my family doesn't have...and she basically wanted me to "forgive" her for this.......able-bodied people make me so tired sometimes.

Anyway. Today's gonna be...a day.

I have midterms tomorrow so I'm trying really fucking hard to study but it's. Not super easy rn. But I'll live.

I do this weird thing with my contacts in my phone where I have like...an emoji system. Each person has a certain number of emojis based on how close I feel I am to them (three being max). The first emoji was my first impression of you, second emoji is something I associate with you, third emoji is my impression of you now that I know you better. Then there's a fourth emoji; a heart that indicates whether my relationship with you is good, bad, negative, neutral, etc.

So for instance Will has a dog (first impression), a pen (association), and a deer (impression now) and he has a special heart that indicates that we're dating. My future roomie, 🍬, has that same candy emoji (first impression), a little pink haired person (association), and a fairy (impression now) and a standard heart to indicate we have a good relationship. I don't know why I do this, it's not like I'm gonna forget who my friends are? I have their names in my contacts lol?? But it's fun.

Song: Am I a Girl? by Poppy