waiting for the end

literally have no motivation to keep working, other than to NOT make my mom, sisters, & myself HOMELESS. 

I've been the head of household, and allowing them to live with me since 2016.

It's been difficult, but the universe put the right person in place for this job I suppose. 

anyway, what I'm getting at is.. the Age of Aquarius is upon us. an end of an empire is nigh.

I can literally feel change is coming. I know its gonna get worse before it gets better.. 

But I cant take the suspense and anticipation.

Also trying to deal with the fact that I wholeheartedly believe I am Undiagnosed Autistic.

Just trying to navigate this Neurotypical world. 

the small comfort I feel from realizing I might be on the spectrum is relieving for me. Because now I have an answer. I'm not just "weird" or "dumb".. there is a reason why I am the way I am. there's nothing "wrong" with me.

But, it's also upsetting because of the many years I've had to mask, just so i wouldn't be so off putting to others... has really taken a toll me. 

my burn out is a large contributing factor to why I'm waiting for the collapse of this empire.

I am running on fumes.

send help, k thanks.