[VENT] idk

I live in literal hell and i wish i could blow mmybrains out all the fucking time tbh and nothing helps . I cant even help myself and i have no fucking support

Everyone in my family is hateful and cruel and stupid and neglected me and my sisters fuckin criminally.

I shouldnt have to live like this. I dont deserve this i want to actually die . And i feel evil because people gave it worse than me by miles. Im so pathetic

I cant go a day without her being a fucking hateful bitch and screaming and cussing at the cats. I couldnt even shower withhout her coming in to be nasty to me about my dog pooping on the floor like holy shit can i shower it was in my room literally fuck off .

I feel frozen at the bottom of a mountain and no one will help me climb it i have to do it myself and i dont want to. I cant do it myself and i never could . Im not strong enough and my knees are cut up from trying .

I wish i could fuckinh kill myself . I wish i had the courage every fucking day.

My brain is so broken and i cant be fixed  and i have to live like this til i die. I cant do it  i cant even call anyone . When i do try it doesny even work or help. How can i keep trying when no one will meet me half way. I cant do it anymore. No one listens or cares

Im constantly regretting not just fucking doing it. Every time i come close and dont die i regret it later. Im living in hell and everything is too hard to cope with and it hits me like a bus then i live in a stupid useless daze after for god knows how long until im self aware again.

I keep dreaming about someone who will save me one day when that day will never come because im not worth saving . Im not worth anything. Im not pretty anymore and im not smart anymore and i vant do anything and i have nothing accomplished and i cant drive and i have no skills besides drawing. I can't even focus on what im good at