i'm still alive, i think. {update}

i had a suicidal fit yesterday. i've had the worst start to the year, and all of this stress, anxiety and depression built up and i snapped. last night i hurt myself pretty badly, alot of blood everywhere and i was losing my mind. i had posted photos of what i did to myself onto snapchat during my episode and one of my friends walked over to my house (she lives near by) to make sure i was fine. i feel so horrible. i've dragged down people a know during this episode, and these suicidal manic fits happen every few months. i just feel so exhausted, i almost overdosed on my meds again, but it was only enough to make me feel high. i don't know what to do with my life anymore. my friend is in hospital cuz they picked up a virus from the MCR concert they went to 2 days ago and i'm worried. i feel like shit. but i'm still alive, and thats a good thing i think.