3/14/2023

MY LIFE HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN MORE AMAZING. EVERY SINGLE DAY IS SO AWESOME. Every day I step out of my comfort zone, but I no longer let my boundaries be overstepped. 

Every day I go to clinical and see and learn all sorts of amazing things. I'm learning how to be confident, independent, and speak louder/clearer not just how to be a nurse aide while I'm there. I love getting to see my favorite resident because she always smiles so big when I see her and that makes me day. Clinical makes me so mentally exhausted that I need to sleep asap after but that's okay. 

I've just started track and field and it's only making my days better. I'm dead ass the weakest one there and the only one officially out as nonbinary so it's really really really uncomfortable but I'll get over it. ALL the girls there are super pretty making me even more nervous, and all the guys there are super annoying making me super competitive and overusing my energy at the wrong times sdjfbkuhdfgsfd

I WAS DISCORD KITTENING (sugar babies but on discord) okay like dead ass,,, but it was really awesome this time. I was protecting myself by actually sticking to my boundaries and reporting/slandering pedos, and I stopped being a catfish so it was actually kind of super empowering. I was talking to an adult friend online tho and they kinda reminded me of all the negatives so I decided to stop again, but that's okay I still feel great

I feel like I've finally got over my ex which feels really weird. It still feels like she's mine or that she just went on a long trip and I'm waiting for her return (i have zero intention of getting back together tho.) But I don't feel miserable about what happened anymore which is awesome fr. I also don't feel balls deep sad that I don't have a gf/partner anymore. Almost every single day i spend at least 10 minuets just thinking about how PERFECT women are AND NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPIER. ONG. I just be sittin here admiring no one in my head AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY I don't get sad abt being single anymore. Ladies are so perfect and admirable and that tbh is contenting enough like god i love woman and I love being gay fr so its okay that I'm single

EEEEE eating meat again has been interesting. I finally have gotten past the icky "how tf is that food" stage and the stomach aches and the extreme mental disgust. Meat is still usually mid or just gross but I've found a few things that have been pretty delicious. I'm so proud of myself for doing this for my health and I hope it actually pays off (gaining weight+muscles)

Next month I'll be three months clean. I never ever ever ever thought I'd get to this point. I went through six months of uncontrolled sh and started my healing journey 1 yr ago in April, when my parents found out. This is the first time ever (ever) [EVER] that I've been clean for a long period and actually WANTING to. The urges can't overpower the fear anymore TwT

I could talk all day about how every day has been so fantastic and I've never been so happy before but I gtg so bye byeee