I cannot be the only one who feels this way TW: panic attacks, existential dread.

I'm fr having a big issue right now with overthinking. This ADHD just has thoughts constantly running through my mind and ofc the more morbid and existential ones come out more lately cos things have been quiet for the most part. I'm not used to that. 

Last Friday I was having such a normal day, a good day tbh. It seemed that right when I turned the corner just about to get home I get hit with this very sudden but unshakable feeling of panic. Thoughts of the unknown and loss flooded every corner both conscious and subconscious. I couldn't help but scream or shout "stop" or "no". the thing is these thoughts dont stop when they get brought up like this and i start to have what I can only describe as a panic attack. 

Once I hit the last corner to turn I almost hit a kitten just sitting in the middle of the road at night. Had to slam my breaks to a complete stop. The cat only moved until it turned around and saw my headlights shining directly on it, by then I was completely done. I just sat in the middle of the road for a minute just to laugh at how awfully timed all that could've been, and cry for how badly I feel myself slipping.

My living situation is good, I have an amazing supportive partner and relatives who let me do me. But it just happens over and over now I just hum loudly whenever the thought comes in (which can be embarrassing) cos that seems like the only way to get it down. I'm starting with taking a tolerance break cos why not. But even then this only was happening to me during lockdown and I had to move home obviously I was gonna start having existential dread. But things are fine now.

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO COME BACK NOW