paranoia.

paranoia is the worst security blanket to have. the constant worry of being hated.. convinced that everyone is against you. it doesn’t help when loved ones don’t share like they used to.. no matter how tiny the information. fears of being secretly left out. fear of always being the black sheep when it comes to existing. “mordecai you’re just different” can only do so much. why me. why was i cursed to want for things that others can not give without reminder.. i have no one to blame but myself. how can i call myself a lover yet hate myself? i’m paranoid. paranoid that those around will soon leave. i’m filled with anxiety. anxious that a conversation with a loved one will be our last. i wonder if they understand how much their threats to delete their existence affects me.. the sad part is their battle does not concern me. that doesn’t stop my feelings nonetheless.