03/11/23

♡ I swear being single sucks but also rules, like I've seen so many cute couple stuff on insta and it makes me jealous and stalking my crush just doesnt go anywhere for me, since he has a girlfriend but he makes me feel so happy and giggly when we talk I just think about my entire future with him, hes mine and mine only not hers.. shes not even that pretty shes kinda rude and snobby :( I dont know what he sees in her????. I'd be the better partner I'm nice,protective,funny,pretty,fun I dont FUCKING GET IT I NEED FUCKING HELP!!!!!!.... but I also love being single cause I ain't gotta worry abt being cheated on and overthink shit. After my first relationship I'm kinda scared for a new one but I want one!... I've never told anyone thing and since no one reads these, he sexually assaulted me multiple times and ig the proper word is rape because he would get me high or drunk and when I'm under the influence I get  very touchy and flirty, I wanted to say no so many times but couldnt.

♡ I woke up at 2 pm today and my mom got upset because I instantly started drinking when I woke up instead of eating but I just cant eat. Eating hurts and makes my body bigger and I dont want that. I mean sometimes I'll eat like some chicken nuggets or icecream but otherwise I try not to eat cause I dont wanna be big :( not that there anything wrong with being big I just dont wanna be. I found my old razor blade I use to cut with when my bf first dumped me for my friend it brought back alot of memories, but I didnt cut myself which I'm proud of myself!! Even if no one knows I would still like the praises.. they make me feel very happy and special. I think NO i KNOW I have a praise kink that shit goes crazy I swear!!!!!!

♡ last night I was literally up till 6 am cause I couldnt sleep so I just drew TMC fanart cause why not I love TMC (the mandela catalogue) for people who didnt know hehehe I'd add them here but it womt ket me but I post them on my twitter alot that is @your_melody I'm a great artist I think. Welp I should get to sleep early cause I got work tomorrow!!!

I LOVE YOU MWWWAAAAAHHHHHHH

                                                        ~Rose