How Me of All People??

Since before highschool I never once thought of going to college~ With the type of family I was raised in, it was expected for me but I got so tired of hearing my mom yap yap and yap about debt so I decided it wasn't something i'd want for myself. In middle school I was inherently a "gifted" child and any and all adults I came in contact with had high expectations for me knowing this information. |SIDE NOTE: Whenever you decide to have kids, please and I mean by any means please do not raise them with a fixed mindset, instead raise them with a growth one because at least then they won't have to deal with what I did LOL| So going into high school I had high hopes of who and what I wanted to be.. That was until I moved. lol After I moved I feel as though I lost sight of who I was and when it came to course work, I started out strong but when covid hit, that's when everything went downhill. I’m not one to complain about covid because it was nice for me, I found who I was, I began to know myself more and certain things came to light that wouldn't have if covid never happened. I guess the only “negative” thing that came was I stopped seeing the importance of school. The thought that people could solely judge me off of a letter and some numbers pissed me off. So with that, I stuck to myself, almost every day after that up to my senior year, I had headphones on, in my own world. Still doing work but hardly ever caring of the outcome. It’s like the music that flowed through my ears from 630 am to 300 pm is the only thing that kept me in the loop, in the ‘why’ of highschool. In my junior year, I worked a lot. I had moved back home and you would think I’dwant to party with my old friends and go out but truthfully I merely wanted to do that lol. Yeah there were times I'd be with my friends but most of my time would be at work, so every time my friends would call me they’d say “(my name), you're always at work!” I would laugh it off knowing it was so very true. Junior year, I had a few romances, nothing that ever became a relationship though.. Tons of wasted time, energy and money lol. Imagine… Eventually I worked so much, school was my time for rest then right back to work, it affected my grades, attitudes, relationships.. But hell, I got money! The money never lasted long, I’d spend it on something I’d been wanting for forever but my mom never got for me or I’d spend it on family (probably the best reason to). Anyways, this affected me a lot and I got kicked out, brought back home, arguments with my mom led to me going with my dad every now and then or even times I would straight up, walk out the house and come home an hour or so later after a walk. I didn’t smoke, drink, I didn’t do anything. My head was in the wrong place and this obviously didn't work with many. I ended up moving away at the end of junior year going into senior year and wasn’t allowed to work because of my poor time management skills, lack of interest when it came to school, studying or my very own education. With all this free time on my hands I had no other choice but to stick my head into the books. On text weeks, I’d go ghost for days on end until I finished with a grade that pleased me, note taking became essentially easy and a cheat for me and my brain flourished like never before. It’s like that mini genius had come back when I needed her most. My senior year, I decided to graduate early and while this wasn’t an easy process I did it. I was overall a great student, made many new friends/acquaintances and connected with my teachers like never before. Though it was short lived, I learned many helpful things that will continue to influence me beyond a school year. A little under a month after I turned 18, I enrolled in my community colleges’ spring semester. It's been a road of essays on essays, zoom calls twice a week, taking tests I don’t even want to take and widening my goals and aspirations but at the end of the day I’m doing it… 

• There are many hobbies I’d like to start and I hope to become consistent with myself once again, step one is to try and try again. 

• I thank you for taking your time to read this all over the place blog episode 1| How Me, of All People??| I hope you stick around for whats to come next!

Xoxo~ bifocalsonmyfacee:~)