10 march 2023

In the morning we were meant to meet early to yk have another make out session in the toilets. But he was instead talking to arda and Ricardo so yea. And then I was in the lunch hall before school and sitting at a table with rehane and nehir. Arda comes sits right next to rehane bcs I took his seat of sitting oooosite her. Dennis sits right next to me. Now I decided to put my hands under the table and in his thigh and I look at his face and he goes red. My hands travel uo and I start rubbing in his already hard duck. I kept getting scared ppl were watching so I’d remove my hand. At one point he had to put his head on the table and he was blushing so hard. Evey time I stopped I’d turn to him asking if he was okay and he woukd say yes wirh kike a struggling smile on his face. I thought arda caught on bcs he kept looking at us and walking around. At one point tho he made a comment saying I look dead snd akwatd so maybe he thought I didn’t like Dennis. Ankther point he looked at me did that wierded akward smile and his eyes kept nodding towards Dennis and back to me tryna imply smt. He doesn’t know tho. Anyways Dennis duck felt big and nice and i coukdnt yk get it out my head. The way it felt Omds. I only felt it over clothes but like… yea. But at break he spent the whole time speaking to yagmur and hannah realised I was shooting death gkares but didn’t know who to. Then during art I was ripping my hair out bcs I was iverthinking again. What if he doesn’t like me abd is just going along with it for the expirience. What if he woukd easily leave me for the attention of a better girl. The first thing he asked me when we got into class was “are you angry at me” and I had to fake a smile and say no bcs I don’t want him worried or thinking I get mad over small things. So while I was stressed I was pulling a few strands of my hair out from the back of my head. And he starts kicking my chair. He then passed me a note saying to stop. So everytime I touched my hair he woukd kick my chair. He then passed another note saying the morning was great. Wgich I’m glad bc I thought I did a shit job. Then after near the end of the lesson the teavher had last spoken to him so she was sat right next to him. She was giving out the last instructions so everyone was turned towards his table. And all I couod feel was his eyes on me. His arms where kn the table with his chin resting on them and he was looking at me like a puppy. I couldn’t help but fold. I really like this boy and ik he’s gonna break my heart. At lunch we had freedoms Friday. So we got to sit with our friends. Now glerja and Abigail were staring daggers into him and kept tryna gesture him over but he seems scared so he stopped lookign at them and even covered his face. And when he did come over I left bcs I didn’t wanna face him. So I went to rielle and seh was like what happened did Dennis do smt to you bcs she realsied he was at my table and I was avoiding him. I didn’t want her and eyluk and stuff to shout at him so I had to tell her and only her that we kissed. Ik for a fact that she told the others. When I go back to my table he went and glejra was like she likes him bcs apperntly when they brought me up he started blushing. They wouldn’t tell me anything else. Then the whole of break eyluls gorup we’re interagatting him. Near the end of break I commented on his smell and he started blushing and looking down at his feet. And when I was trying to talk to him I pulled on his sleeve a bit and he said “you know what your doing” I GAVE GIM BUTTEFYIEZ. I actually really like this guy. And I think this is the first time I’m experiencing myslef actually like soemone but I’m scared it’s gonna go to shit. And after scjool he was talking to glejra and hannah while they waited for me. And I couldn’t help but stare at his face. Howd I get so lucky. But after school his texts got a bit dry so idk. Maybe I’m being too clingy and iver thinking it