i love my bestfriend

Since i was 4. I love my bestfriend. I never told him because am so scared of what he's gonna thinks about me. Is it gonna ruin our relationship? He alaways intimidated me and i blushing everytime he looks at me. 

He learned me everythings. My musics tastes, my favourites videos games, my favourites movies, animes.. everyphings i just copy him for he's validation. But everytime he talk to me about others girls he loves. He's very popular and am not. My anxiety bothers him and makes him mad, but wathever i don't want him to hates me so i do everythings he wants. I really loves him. 

He can speaks with others so easily and am so jaelous of that. I hates when he looks at an another girl or laughs with her. 

We're not in the same class anymore and since that he never speaks to me again. It make me so sad. I always spy on him at schools hope he's gonna looks at me like he did before. 

I can't forgot him. 

I read our messages again and again, hoping he's gonna text me again one day..