weekly van update #12

03.06.23

hi all!!

guess who's taking yet another mental health day from school-- ME!! jeeezzzz and with spring break in a week too. kind of irresponsible but oh well. honestly, when you need one, you need one. besides, my canvas board says that we're doing literally nothing today soooooo. if anything i picked a totally reasonable day to skip.

anyway, i'm not here to talk about the day, i'm here to talk about my week!!

monday, i can't really remember what i did, honestly. i think my memory has a week long expiration date, and then everything just gets tossed. it's like lettuce.

on tuesday, i had fencing!! wahoo!! love fencing. i got to do bouts, and i won my bout!!! it was so awesome!! i went against the same kid i got the chance to bout against last session, and he and i have both improved SOOO MUCH!! so i'm proud of both of us >:D he said he was impressed by my fencing and honestly i am so shocked cause the amount of flukes.......... okay no i really did do well. and i told him the same thing!! cause his parries were FANTASTIC!!
we're doing more bouts this week, so tomorrow, and that will determine whether we're ready to move on to the advanced class or if we should do the beginner class one more time around. i'm not sure what i want because i'm still kind of a not awesome fencer and the advanced group meets 2 times a week and for 2 hours and everything :P so we'll just see what happens!!

wednesday we took the sat.......... hnghghghghghghhghg i'm sure i did fine!! (except for in the math section it was so hard 4^4) but it was just the testing for like 3 and a half straight hours that made me want to absolutely EXPLODE -- but yknow i got through it!!
and it was a beauuuutiful day outside that day, so i was asking my friends if they could hang out!! and one by one... they each said... no. :( BUT THEN YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED-- THEY COULD HANG OUT THEY FIGURED OUT!!!!! so i got to hang out with lance, ara, amara, and graylie !! that was pretty fun, i loveeedddd going out with a big friend group again!! we hung out at the library but then we decided to go on an ADVENTURE !!! so we got boba tea, we went for a walk and hung out on the college campus and just sorta chilled on the sidewalk for a bit before we found a playground we decided to play at !! there were kids from the boys and girls club having outdoor time at the playground at the same time so we played with some little kids lol. a bunch of them loved my outfit cause i did full decora that day, it was pretty cool >:3

on thursday, i feel like i did something with my mom, but once again i just can't really remember!!! nothing is coming to me tbh, i feel kind of embarrassed, buuuut what can i say. when you have poo poo mental health your brain turns into onion soup. 

on friday, i went out with my friends again!!! buuuttttt it was super rainy and there were like a BILLION PEOPLE in the library, so we went to get boba, we were going to go play on the playground in the rain but i didn't really want to because rain can cause a big bad sensory experience, cause my hair and my clothes being wet like that always feels weird. so we didn't. but lance and ara jumped in a bunch of puddles like sillies and got their feet all wet >:3 lance could draw a picture on the floor with water at the library.
we hung out at the library for like an hour and then we were like "what if we did something else" so we went to THE MALL!!!! it was pretty fun, we went in a few different places, we didn't buy anything, but we were able to look around. my birthday is coming up so i checked out some things i may ask for from my parents!!

on saturday, i had a really big day!! i went with my mom who took my dog to the dog park, and then we went to some craft stores with my sisters who needed some stuff for projects they're working on. my little sister is making a dino mask fursuit head thingie, it looks really cool so far!! i'm proud of her for expressing herself. and i got some perler beads hehehe
then, my mom didn't feel like cooking, which, valid, so we went back home for like an hour, and then she took us to golden corral!! the environment was one to drive an autistic man such as myself completely mad but it ended up slowing down about halfway through the night, so it was chill :) i got to have popcorn shrimp and a salad and cornbread and cottage cheese and CAKE!! lots of cake. i feel like going to a buffet is eating the bare minimum amount of dinner food and then going to get dessert. it's always been that way for me >:D
when i got home, i started working on kandi, i hadn't made kandi in like a month!! it's something called a wave cuff, based on a design by littlecraftiesstore :P i also rewatched captain america: the winter soldier, cause it's my second favorite mcu movie!! my first is thor: ragnarok because of course it is. but anyway i'm back to my middle school captain america hyperfix :sob: it's not a full on hyperfixation but i'm definitely not being normal about it so yknow what i mean?? but anyway it's definitely taking me back to middle school.... but in a good way?? most of my other interests were cringe and had a super cringe fanbase but the mcu still holds up and was only sorta cringe. except for the fact that i genuinely have a visceral reaction to "i'm with you til the end of the line" and will apparently always have that visceral reaction that makes my heart drop. 
if only i wasn't so dysphoric about anything i used to like pre-transition :sob:

and then on sunday, my mom took my whole family to the children's museum !!!!! it was so so so so so fun !!! i had the best time >:D my favorite places were the mesozoic sea creature area, and the archaeology area !!! i've always adored the archaeology area, even when i was a little little kid, so i'm glad that it's still around and is a permanent fixture!! and it makes sense now that i will be going into archaeology hehehe. my little self would be so happy, he'd think i was so cool!! anyway that was fun. my brother was being a complete downer the whole time because to be fair, there isn't really a lot for older kids to do, but still. just have fun with it you asshole. go dig for treasure or play with the dinosaur stuff or go learn something idk. 
then, i came home, finished my kandi, rewatched captain america: the winter soldier yet again, ate a zebra cake, read some fanfic, and fell asleep.

so yeah!! i kinda knew from how much my legs hurt and how badly demotivated i felt i couldn't go into school today. i just feel. off??? idk i always feel off nowadays. sighhhhh. but it's no worries!!
i'm gonna use today to get some work done, namely, some art assignments. there is not enough time in the whole world to get those all done... or at least, my perspective final. why is putting in values so goddamn tedious.........

anyway!!! i'll talk to y'all later. i oughta get back to work. and if we're being honest. i really want to rewatch ca:tws again. sooooo. hehehehe.....

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~ van / laszlo