anxiety is a bitch and so am i

uni is stressing the fuck out of me. i need to be reading shittons of articles and books for my term-paper but i physically cannot do it. 

executive dysfunction and all that jazz. this makes me so anxious. 

i'm having family problems, financial issues, one of my friends is in the worst depressive episode i've ever seen them. i'm also not that good. everyday i have to fight off unsavory thoughts about death.

the term-paper is very important. 

i keep questioning why life has to be so hard. why can't my brain just work properly. 

it's not like i'm completely lost tho. i have some notes and some bullet points on what i want to write about.

i'm worried about my friend. i cannot be there for them because we live in different cities and travelling is a costly luxury for both of us. 

i'm drowning. i don't know how to swim so i'm drowning.

i'm trying to be kind to myself. it's very hard but i have no choice but to be kind to myself.