[VENT] im rly sad

I god sad because i dont feel loved again. My ex fucked me up so bad w what he said and did to me

I guess it never occurred to me that ppl would lie about loving me until then

Now it feels like no one cares about me or ever will . I lost all hope that anyone likes me or cares about me i am simply around for convienence and to pass the time and because im easier to put up with than try and get rid of because im crazy

And i remembered being in that fucking baby sittters house w my sister

It was so dirty and filthy and lice ridden and stained and we were locked in that room for hours and starved and yelled at

And we were forced to go back for so long i dont know how long.

I had to cut off all of my hair we were very little and my sister ate roaches and coins off the floor out of hunger while we watched the bitches granddaughter get icecream outside while we were locked in and not allowed to look out at her having fun

I can see the toy room and the stained mattress and carpet so clearly and we had to endure that shit

And now i live in a hoarder home and i cant even clean up my own room

My sister got super ocd after that and cant handle dirty things anymore and i cant function well enough to clean.

I am just miserable in bed rn i feel alone negllected and abandoned and unloved and i dont ever think ill feel loved or cared for again after what that mother fuxker did . I dont know why i try

I just want to enjoy little things and have fun and do artaand play with bugs and frogs and lizards