Lonely Lately

I don't know how to make friends as an adult.

It goes beyond not having the tools, I don't know how to use them.

And if somehow I do meet someone, I don't have the energy to maintain a relationship.

I'm really insecure - I don't like myself all the time and I assume I'm not a likeable person. 

History says this isn't true, I've had tons of friends and the end was more often than not a natural drift.

My bf is meeting people online lately, and as much as I'm happy for him branching out, I'm kinda jealous. 

Like, did he just finally find a group he vibes with? Or does he have something that I don't? What am I missing that's preventing me from accomplishing what he accomplishes? 

The career, the friends, the ability to put his foot down with his family, the belief in himself, the trust that his life will one day be amazing and the actual steps taken to get there, the ability to recognize a problem and work on it until it's solved no matter how stressful it gets, the strength in expressing and pushing for what he wants.

He's functional. Idk how to function. I wish it was as easy as him just sharing some secrets, but he's not holding secrets - I've just got a skill issue T_T

There's a boardgame club in the library once a month. The rub is they only meet for an hour, all the clubs I've played met for at least 4 hours and even that was sometimes too short. 

Like, are they playing go fish?? What game only takes an hour including set-up?? Maybe they split into groups of 2, maybe it's an hour AT LEAST rather than TOPS - I dunno, but that ONE LITTLE FACTOR has kept me from going.

Which, I know is self destructive and just me standing in the way of my own happiness.