V3NT . (TW : sh)

fuck. after EVERY single hockey practice my dad comes back yelling at my brother. i know its not my issue but im so fucking sick. of all of it. my brother is a kid, he doesnt deserve to be yelled at and manipulated by his DAD. "listen to [coach], listen to [other coach] theyre all telling you the same thing but dont listen to your dad. dad is wrong. i guess ill just stop." IF EVERYBODY ELSE IS TELLING YOU THE SAME THING AND ONE PERSON IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING DIFFERENT LISTEN TO THE MAJORITY ???? ESPECIALLY IF THEYRE REGISTERED COACHES ?????? fuck i feel like i cant enjoy anything anymore im scared of my dad. if my brother opposing his HOCKEY opinion makes him fly into a rage like this then fuck man idk what to do. jheshfahakaa.... 

(tw again in case you missed it <3)

i honestly just want to fucking rip my head off nd make deep fucking cuts inside my thighs. ive been trying to keep nmyself away from that for years and years nowand a few nights ago i made a few cuts but i was too fucking scared to make myself bleed. 

(end)

i just dont think its fair for one parent to be delivering firsthand trauma and secondhand trauma to both your (probably) already traumatized kids. fuck man i feel so bad for my bro and just want to make him feel ok again but weve been so distant lately i dont know how . to do that. and to make matters worse im developing a weird kind kf response to my dad, he came into m y room and asked me if i fed my dog while they were out, i forgot so i immediately jumped up to go do it because a. obviously my dog needs food and b. i was scared my dad was going to yell @ me too. like... this isnt good. i just dont know what to do other than just sit there, not even able to cry because our house is too fucking small.