i may be barely passing classes, but at least i am musically a genius

over the latter half of the weekend i wrote and recorded a song. a song i have currently named procrastina ultima, file name being xanaPeftw.als (meaning i fall again). i finished it last night. a bold thing of me to say, but this is definitely the kind of song that i work on in intense fervor and then never touch again, only listen. and boy, this is something i can't stop listening to. i have always loved the group Archive, since i was a child. un enfant. my father played them for me all the time as a kid, especially during road trips especially at night. i always put them on when i am driving for a while at night.

i, since i first started recording music, always wanted to emulate their style of music, albeit with my own flare. i always wanted to create a nice 8-minute synth-heavy song with hard grooves and droning synths and fade-outs in between, with lyrics that don't mean much- their sole purpose being to have something to hear and perpetuate the melody and to give the song some amount of concrete emotion, as instrumentals are always ambiguous, but with the bare minimum of vocals you can say "hey, this is melancholy. hey, this is anger. hey, this is unbridled joy." mine is melancholy, i think. lyrics about not wanting to accept the days and the thoughts escaping you. about trying to speak to someone but they also have a lot on their plate and they cant stand to hear you. those don't mean much to me right now, not really, but i know that one day i will be driving across some country late at night, blasting this song yelling "I CAN'T STAND TO SEE MY DAYS PASSING BY, SO I LIE INSTEAD" and "AND I HATE MY SELF FOR   THIS" much like i have often screamed in that scenario "WASTE ON YOU,    I GOT TI-IME TO WASTE ON YOU" and "I'M A FOOL,    A FOOL FOR YOU...   I SEEM TO WANT,    EVERY-THING-THAT YOU DO-o" and so on.

the current title is on account of procrastinating studies, and kind of a very subtle reference to the song Fool by Archive- the lyric that goes "i don't know,, i- procrastinate". that line has never really made sense to me, but it is there and it has always left an impression on me... at least, since i knew the word procrastinate. regardless, it is a temporary title, but i cannot exactly figure it out. if anyone has about 8 minutes and some thought to spare, i welcome you to bask in my masterpiece and possibly suggest a title.

also, in case you are like me and cannot understand words in songs very easily, this is how it goes:

i can't stand to see my days passing by
so i lie instead
i don't want to hear my thoughts leaving me
so i cry instead

and i hate my self for this

she asked that i don't tell her why i'm sad
"i'm sad enough already" she pleaded
who can i tell things things with which i am plagued?

who can i tell things things with which i am plagued?