𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬⸻𝟢𝟤/𝟤𝟪/𝟤𝟥

𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐝↝ okayish? worried mostly

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬↝ ur fav workplace lolz

***this set up for my chaos diaries might change over time, but i'm testing this out because i've never done this, nor did i know i could use the htlm on the blog thing to change the layout, anyway thats cool. ANYWAY the inner chaos diaries will just simply put be me venting on my life, heard the vent app is dying, never even knew that existed. i feel old lol. seems like this could be a good way to just spill all my chaos. i think i'll always add at the top: my mood at the time, where i wrote said blog post & i'll link the song i have on repeat at the time too. feel free to read, comment or whatever!***

<< i feel as wobbly as this skelly
𝙨𝙤 𝙞 𝙜𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩 it's 8:52am as i'm typing this out. one of the cadets i think got hurt during PT, hope he's okay, though i guess it was nice to see some commotion out the entirety of the glass window i sit behind. i've one too many people come to ask for things, obviously i know it's my job and i'm happy to help/guide, but my minds running a hundred miles per minute especially with still wondering if my car payment went through, like i'm sure it did, but it's just waiting for it to be taken out of my bank acc.

aside from that, i still have bills to pay and then i'm deciding if i want to get food on the way home, i probably should since there's practically not a meal or snack to eat at home. the question is do i have a handle on my anxiety to go into walmart for food idk, good question, prolly not, i didn't plan for that so in my head, there is no time for that. bojangles? idk don't really want that, but i don't want mcdonalds either, now that i'm thinking about it, i don't wanna eat, but i gotta eat (yay for basic human tasks).

it's only tuesday, i wish it was friday, but its not and that wont make me feel any better anyway, other than i could sleep in i guess cause getting up at 4:50am was fine until the depression demons got ahold of me again so now i'm just tired all the time instead of well rested & ready for the work day.

oh look now it's 9am, i've wasted some time typing this out.

still constantly thinking about my place in the world, not in the poetic, or philosophical way, but in the way like am i just working to pay for things that make me happy for a whole blink of a moment and then die, same day, same stuff, many different thoughts, but then it would worry me to be out of routine, how fucking confusing that is. i wonder if i'll do this thing everyday, like this blogging thing, or did i just do this to past the work day away, that i don't either. hopefully i stick to it, even if for the sake of my sanity bc idk how to express all of these things at once verbally, or in a concise way that makes sense, or i forget about it by the time i have the time to verbally speak about it.

at least i have good behavior to look forward to watch with the bf. i never got to finish it the first time i watched it when it came out and i'm happy to actually see what happens, sad that it ends with season 2 tho.
WELP UNTIL NEXT TIME...