hatsune miku collection almost made me have an aneurysm.

straight up about to start crying. i need to be saving so bad but devilinspired (lolita fashion online store) IS DOING A HATSUNE MIKU COLLABORATION?????! are you kiddingggggggg. 

the Universe do be testing me right now. 

like i know last time i ordered from devilinspired the dress didn't fit over my torso well (sorry for being a girl i guess) but??? what if i ordered a size up this time????????????????? god i just. wanna be miku so bad.

okay no you know what i'm going to really sit down and think through this because i genuinely feel like i'm being tested right now. 

• this collection isn't limited edition, unlike when i bought the hatsune miku collab clothes from dollskill. if i really want to buy some clothes from this collection over the year, i can save up and dripfeed myself them. 
• i literally have so many miku clothes from dollskill already! it's okay to live with those for a while. i'm not rich, and i need to practice moderation with the money i have if i'm to save well for my future with ellis.
• i can comb through the collection now and send through the ones i really want in the #shopping channel in my shared server with ellis to come back to later, then archive the email. out of sight, out of mind. god bless adhd.
• retail therapy does exist for me, but only when i'm not stressing over money. i'm currently in a stable position with finances, and i want to stay that way. however it's not just that; i want to accumulate even more funds so that i can make concrete plans with ellis. 
• dressing up and looking like a cute girl makes me happy. but ellis makes me happier. i want to meet it one day, i want to settle down with it in a house of our own somewhere, i want pets with it. i want to ensure that the funds i'm accumulating now at the very start don't get wasted on things that will provide a kind of happiness that doesn't run very deep to me. i want to ensure i can buy my way to a long-lasting kind of happiness.
• this is also a kin thing for me since i am miku... however like i said, ellis makes me far happier than anything else.

waugh okay i really did talk myself down well from that. it's lovely that i'm finding things i can spend my "lighter" savings account on though! i'll go browse through the clothes now and save them to our server, then archive the email and forget about it entirely. :'))