on parents and being trans

after observing the conversations in trans spaces, i've noticed a recurring pattern where people discuss having either accepting or abusive parents, but there's little talk about the in between. as a trans person, i find it difficult to live in this in-between space where my family accepts my sexuality but is unaware of my gender identity. i'm scared that they won't support me financially in transitioning and will disapprove of my decision.

while my parents have made it clear they do not think i am trans and have expressed transphobic sentiments, they are not abusive. they are merely ignorant, and i hope that with time, they will come to accept me. it's just difficult to stay in this limbo. i am in my early 20s and do not want to delay my transition until i am financially independent, but i also do not want to risk my safety and well-being.

parents are human, and they may struggle to accept us for who we are. from the day that i was born, my parents had expectations and plans for me. i know how hard it can be to accept a kid that may stray from those expectations. i'm not excusing their ignorance, but i can understand where they're coming from.

i'm not even "out" officially, but they are aware of my dysphoria. they just think it's as a result of other issues with my mental health. it's a really strange place to be in and i'm just focusing on building an external support system in the meantime. they foot the bill for my schooling, which i am incredibly thankful for. i know that i am privileged, but it's fucking hard to feel like i'm sacrificing personal happiness for education. i'm trying to keep my eyes on the long term and i know that a degree will determine my financial success with the field i am pursuing. it's just hard.

if anyone else can relate to this, give me a shout. it sucks to feel so alone.