Vent poem (about Vent)

There's a pit in my stomach where I kept you.

Like a wound in a tree, 

what once hurt has grown over

This place was a part of me. 

I remember when the sound of you 

sent terror through me,

When I feared the next anonymous account

made in my (dis)honour

When all you were was a host,

for anger worded vaguely,

threats on my behalf, 

and, famously, the cliffs. 

I remember when our Debate coach

learned what Vent is. 

(and then promptly banned it.)

I remember fearing they all hated me,

because I lost a few usernames.

I thought the world was out to get me--

because you were everything.

Every human experience, and those beyond

lived in night mode between my thumbs

where my favourite people in the world 

(every one of you)

reminded me over and over that I exist.

[FAV] [HUG] [H4U] [ILY]

I was real here, 

even when everything else was not.

You used to scare me so much,

all my teen insecurities 

manifested as a mouth

I lived here and I hated it,

but I never left.

I never even tried. 

I grew 2,577 days with you,

I saw you growing with me.

And I hoped you'd see me through it all,

that my favourite people would witness

as I became the person I once believed

could never exist. 

But you're leaving me. 

And with you, everyone else is following. 

You used to hurt so much, 

but now it's hard to remember,

every anxiety is distant and faint.

I can only remember the good days.

You were and are vital like an organ,

held lovingly within me.

I think I understand 

why they call this feeling "gutted."

There's a hole growing in me

where you once belonged

My greatest connection to the world,

sometimes my only.

It scares me to know 

I won't have you to lean on.

I hope what follows you is better. 

I hope we find each other somewhere else.

I hope you all continue to believe in me. 

And I hope I have the privilege

to continue loving you. 

I love you.

I love you!

More than anything on Earth, I love you!