FEB/27/2023

February 27th 2023 7:54 AM

Lyric: I hate how much you love acting crazy

Mood: stressed

Class today ;-; two classes actually ughhh but whatever. Will said we might go to Blick woo! I don't actually need anything lol I just like hanging out with him. Also he's gonna get a glue gun so I might be able to fix my Monster High Spirit Halloween purse (the strap broke ;-;;;;)

He has a class at like 9:45 or smth so he's up early. My class is at 11 but I wake up at either 6 or 7 every day without fail no matter what I do :(

I chose my major yesterday. I wanna do a creative writing minor but to do that I had to email the head of the department so I emailed like ummmmm hiiiiiiiiiiiii pls let me do a minor hehe <3 so we'll see how that goes. I mean it's not like she's gonna say no?? Lmao?? But still.

No spoilers but dude TLOU is so saddd aaahhhhh I love it but dude my heart strings oh my god. Also I found out the actor who plays Ellie is nonbinary :0 so cool!!!!!

Lately I've been in love with how I look. Idk. The mix of like a very revealing dress with a Hannibal Lecter-esque suit jacket? So real. POV I'm hot. I've been trying to do makeup more and I think I'm actually getting better at it? Shout out to girls with crooked eyeliner (me) but like...it's so hard to leave the house feeling like there's shit on my FACE that looks ugly but I know the more I do it the better I'll get so. 

Can it pls be warm already??? It is SO hard to be a slut under these conditions. I wanna dress revealing but its so cold aaahhhhhh

I wish I wasn't flat chested. So many outfits would look so much better if I had tits. Like I'm curvy in other ways so its whatever but...it'd just be nice to have boobies yk? If I wear a really tight shirt it almost looks like I have tits. I've thought about just idk...getting a padded bra ;-; but that feels kind of...idk. It feels weird. What if people notice I suddenly have tits?

Lately Will has been talking about how he doesn't feel like he's at the point in his life where he wants to be. Which, obv, I understand. I mean who's endgame is college? That's not a real dream. He has plans for the future and stuff that he wants to do. It's just that...for me...college kinda was my dream lol...like idk! Getting Out or whatever and getting to be independent and free and authentically who I am while also doing fun classes abt Art and Writing and all the things I love! That sounds like heaven. And I know I bellyache about classes but I do love them (some of em at least) and I love my friends and hanging with them and I looooove my dorm and I love my little routines and I love Will and I'm so happy with where I am in life rn. I get that he has plans for the future and that's so fair but part of me wishes...idk...that he could also appreciate where we are rn. Together?

At the same time I have my own plans for the future. I have a career in mind I want to head towards (comics), I have places I want to go, plans for my life, whatever. Most of my plans include Will lol but like...they're still plans. We've been talking about doing a cross country road trip together after we get our licenses. I'm not really sure I can drive bc of my disabilities but uhh. I'm gonna try anyway lmao

I might go live with him this summer <3 at least for a week or two. That'd be amazing. He even tossed out the idea of me coming on vacation with his family which ;u; I mean maybe but dude that would be so stressful aaahhhhh I'm TERRIFIED to meet his parents. What if they don't...like me...I mean I've met his mom incredibly briefly and she likes me kinda but when I actually Spend Time with his Family and meet his dad and stuff????? AAAHHHHH

Will referred to himself as 19 y/o and I was like NO bc his birthday is in MAY so hellooooo?? But damn it made me think abt turning 19 and uhhhh (;𖦹ㅁ𖦹) yeah. I mean my birthday is in august but like...still. Surreal. Idk what to do for his birthday (˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥) it needs to be something really good. I think I'll organize a lil party with our friends <3 I'm just not super sure who he'd want there? Part of me is like noooo we should just have dinner the two of us <333 but that's a lil selfish lmao I think I will buy him Hannigram merch for his bday lmao but I also have to make him smth but I'm not sure what so hmmmmmm

Anyway this is more than long enough so I better go get dressed hm

Song: American Boyfriend by Kevin Abstract