Femininity

Femininity- I struggle. My mother is a tomboy, but she wanted to raise ladies, so we were taught to be graceful, and polite, and gentle creatures. I know she did a good job at that, because my sister- she's a beautiful thing, in a sorority with a gaggle of similarly perfect friends, and very feminine, really. She dolls herself up with perfect makeup (as an aside, she and I never learned makeup from our mother, I had to learn it from her after she learned from a friend), she dresses trendy, and she walks around as if the weight of the world is as light as a feather to her. What is it? 

I often think deeply about what separates me from her. I don't think I'm jealous of her- I often feel happy about myself, and I'm pretty comfortable with where I'm at. But it bothers me, you know? Like she and I had the same upbringing, so why did she turn out one way and I turned out the other way? Is it genetics? No- nobody in my family is quite like me, are they? It's isolating. I know I'm a woman, and perhaps it's just that my femininity is different from most - after all, it's more of a spirit of being than a presentation of gender, isn't it? - or perhaps it's just that my femininity is less than the other women in my life. Ah, what to do...