fantasy

I often think about what I want to do with my life going forward. As much longer as that is. To tell the truth, I'm not satisfied. I don't think I ever could be satisfied here. Don't get me wrong; I love my friends and (most of) my family here in Jersey. But it's just, y'know, not enough for me.

To think about what could await me so far in the future is, well, kinda scary. By most peoples' standards, I'm still just a kid. But I can't help but worry and/or dream about what my life could be.

Right now, all I am is a 16 year old lowlife. Born a woman, but realizing that I should've been born a man later in life, and making efforts to set things right in that sense. Passed my written driving test a little over a year ago, but not having my learners permit yet.

For the moment, I'm metaphorically trapped in this small bubble. Unable to go anywhere or do anything without permission or supervision.

But I'm a dreamer.

When I become too big for this small town, I know exactly where I want to go and what I want to do.

I want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to explore, get lost in the woods, only having the dim light shining through the trees to protect and guide me outside of my own instincts.

I want to move away from here, going to live in an apartment building in Vegas with my lover. I want to pursue my career in music and acting.

I want to become famous. Go on tours, ending up dragging my boyfriend along with me.

I want to live life to the fullest, seeing every day passing as I chase the unimaginable then having it suddenly end in my late 30s or 40s from being stabbed and robbed in an alleyway while heavily intoxicated.

...

But for now, I'm just Angel.

Just a 16 year old loser with dreams too bizarre and impossible to reach.