ramble about current state of affairs and mental health

vent imploding weirdly occured in my first Depressive Episode Of The Year TM and oh boy. it feels so weird to have all these changes in dynamics. what do you mean i can't be on the outside looking in? what do you mean it's not as easy for me to access people's thoughts without carrying out a conversation with them? changes are hard, and these changes in particular force me to get out of my shell and actually seek out contact with people i find interesting.

though overwhelming, it hasn't been that bad. i feel like i've had more conversations with my vent mutuals in the last few days than in the last year. i am reconnecting with people i have drifted apart from. discord has been a big part of this, especially my friend cyb's server. but also this website! it feels very freeing to have so much space to express yourself and to have long posts be normalised.

as for irl, i have a new pschiatrist, finally. i had my first appointment on friday and it went better than i expected. i really used to think that all doctors for adults are as harsh as my last psych... i was very wrong, luckily! though i am mostly stuck at home like a proper shut-in, at least i have my medication this time.being able to stay at home i didnt have that many problems with hallucination triggers, which is a much needed break for my brain. i sleep a lot and have no appetite, which i hope changes soon. i need to get some more canned food on monday...

i've been mostly focusing on tower of fantasy lately, though i wish i had some brain power to play world of horror, fear and hunger and the binding of isaac more. it's nice to infodump about combat stats and optimisation though! i'm also enjoying writing here. i still have my reservations, but i want to treat this account more like my diary, even if nobody wants to read long posts lol.