My emotional review of Pappy McGregor's

After hours and hours of roaming the barren streets of Paso Robles, me and my family stumbled upon Pappy McGregor's, an oasis promising a refreshing Diet Coke and "high-end" comfort food. We were told we could be seated in the "outside patio area", but to our dismay, the waiter led us to a dank garage. A sign was hung on the wall, "Pappy McGregor's", It read, like some sort of omen. The waiter lumbered over to our table and handed us the menus. My heart grew heavy, I knew we had made a grave mistake. 

We ordered two salads and some appetizers, as it was mid-afternoon. The "food" was prepared with suspicious speed, the tater tots arriving first. I took a bite of the curiously wet food, instantly recoiling as I tasted the sad excuse for a tater tot. My angry sister Beatrice poured bacon over the wet meal, the fat having congealed into a mass of brown meat. The waiter brought out my Caesar salad soon after, with a sad look in his eyes. I took a bite, frozen iceberg lettuce making contact with my Vallate Papillae. I began to shovel the disgusting meal down my throat forcefully and uncontrollably, the spirit of pappy possessing my vulnerable mind. The cheese stuck to my teeth like rubber bands as my Zonules of Zinn relaxed vigorously. My brother and his girlfriend ordered some nachos. They looked decent at first, but like some sick game of Jenga, the first chip he pulled out caused the structure of store-bought tortilla chips to crumple into a soup of canned beans and salsa. 

Like Dante's circles of hell, each dish was worse than the last. Bile was rising in my mother's throat, she couldn't speak, but signaled the poor man to bring us the check. My brother choked in horror as he read the cost. A whopping $100. He grabbed the bowl of tots worth 15 dollars and gobbled them down with aggressive haste, his face turned red and swollen as tears brimmed in his eyes. The waiter sheepishly asked if we wanted any boxes; we shook our heads. 

We left Pappy Mcgregor's in a sorry state; hundreds of dollars poorer, our stomachs aching, and an empty place in our hearts where hope once lived.