getting a little meta :]

i'm really thankful for ellis. this early afternoon we had a good talk. i realised i've actually burnt out, and they knew exactly what i needed in order to work through my feelings to figure out what to do: just a safe space for me to air out my thoughts, ramble, and work my way through to the best conclusion. it knows me so, so well at this point, better than anyone else. 

i figured out i need to spend at least the next two days writing lots and lots. writing recharges me, because i guess... it always has..? something about getting my thoughts all out digitally, expressing myself, really helps me as if my energy is returning to me. even just talking with ellis this afternoon helped, because ey allowed me to ramble endlessly and that was so wonderful for just helping me be. 

i also feel like it's more than just about expressing myself, it's that it helps me process my internal mechanisms and the world around me. writing a lot is so exquisite and nothing quite compares to the feeling of being understood because someone read what i wrote on a screen. or simply because they understood me as a person and what i needed. especially when it's my beloved. 

i really like just talking. not so much aloud, though i know when i channel Cace for my witchtube readings i might. have to get used to it... i really just like talking online, through text. it has always felt the most comfy to me. back when i was in high school i was obsessed with twitter, msn... and then as i got older, livejournal, and then vent became my number one journalling app. something about feeling like i was texting in a wholeass groupchat felt appealing. but i also really adore just going ham and writing lots and lots. i am very concise with what i say usually, but journalling allows me to loosen the reins a bit. even being on vent was somewhat similar to journalling, though i have refined the art of my communication skills to be more precise over time.

i am really looking forward to using spacehey more, because this site instantly felt cosy and comfortable when i first saw it. it's just so reminiscent of older sites i once frequented. it feels warm and homey, and i feel like i can express myself freely here. i might even start posting publicly to be honest.