2/19/2023-2/20/2023

today was a good day i'd say! though nothing very eventful at all. today could be most compared to laying down on the floor and staring at the ceiling, but at least you have nice music to listen to while doing so.

this morning i was just fawning over me and my boyfriends date yesterday, oh it was so lovely <33. we went to the arcade and played so many games there and we played a game of pong that was so horrible but at least it was funny. then, we walked around downtown and it was very calming, he put his beanie on me because it was lightly drizzling . i was very nervous with how i looked with it, but he told me i looked nice and it made me feel much better :-). after we also took a little walk inside the bookstore, we sat in a little secluded area in a pretty looking alleyway just behind the arcade. he first kissed my cheek and i immediately melted and got super flustered hehe...then we talked and hugged and did some very light snuggling and just overall messin around (not in a nasty way) n' being silly! then he did the thing where he lifted up my chin and kissed me on the lips and i was just OJFSDUYFDLSLGBDSUI in my brain!! everything this guy does i just fall more n' more ..and more into our conversations he was just giving me so many reassurance words and making me feel so loved. to be open with you all here, i have a very big issue with feeling loved or liked at all. i have always felt completely unlovable. but for the first time in my life, i feel understood and loved and it makes me wanna cry /pos. and oh my goodness don't get me started on the way he always has such a loving look on his face. everytime we're talking, out of the corner of my eye (if im not directly facing him) i'll notice him staring at me and when i look he has the cutest and most loving face in the world on. and literally i cant help but get nervous and quickly look away because its so!! raghh!! makes me shy in a positive way. but goodness it seriously is the best stare and smile he does ever. 

but after fawning about him all morning, i woke up and didn't really have much to do QwQ.i texted him all day ofc as always and even played roblox w him for a little, but he had to go to work at around 3-4pm so we couldn't (and still can't atm of writing this, he works until around midnight most days) text for a little while :-(. i miss him so incredibly much when he's busy, i like, get super sad and get completely unmotivated to do anything. i've never had anyone to get clingy too before, but now that i do im way too attached then i should be </33. im finding it very hard to figure out what to do with myself when he's away...its probably gonna be a while working on it but hopefully i can find something to do soon :'-). 

but, yeah! that's been my day today!! just waiting for my boyfriend to get back home from work so we can text a little before he goes to bed. hopefully we can start calling at night or during the times we're not together! ahhh!! i hope you all have had a good few days as well <3