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Not even gonna lie though.
I have no clue how I survived everything I have. I can't even believe all that Bullshit went on everyday for years while my mental health was actually fucked in the ass. I had panic attacks everyday multiple times all being triggered by the same thing. I remember being angry at the world. I remember not feeling one shit of safety at home. I remember going through everything alone because no cared to open their fuckin eyes. I remember feeling emotional in car rides. I remember considering murder, suicide too. I remember feeling nothing but anger and fear.
Here I am. Life's still shit but that situation is gone. I can't believe i made it out lol. I feel like that more than a decade shit show has screwed me up lol. I feel so fucking fucked.
I don't know if it's worth staying. Truely.
Not even shitting I'm only afraid of the process. If there were an easier way as simple as pressing a button, I'd end it all... Makes me think of a gun. If I had one i'd blow my brains out. I don't ever want to wake up again.
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Cranky Old Witch
It's worth staying. I know there are no magic words that will help you believe me, but please do.
Look at it this way. You've survived. You're a survivor. And you had no hope of surviving but did it ANYWAY. You're stronger than you realize.
There is another step. Right now, you're surviving. You're in survival mode. Damn, I know that feeling! On the one hand, there is the sense of pride in knowing just how much you can handle. On the downside, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop because your whole existence has been shoes dropping.
So ... You've done all of this work just to get here. And you SHOULD be PROUD!
There's another step. It's a bit more work yet, and some of it will be ugly too.
I want you to look forward not to just surviving, but to living.
If you did that work to survive, then you already know that YOU'RE worth it. If you can find your strength once again, work some more. But not to survive, but to THRIVE. To make your life as GLORIOUS as you deserve!
It's baby steps. You might not feel each increment pay off in the moment. But before you know it, you'll look back with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction and what you've made for yourself.
With love,
Macey