First Blog

This life isn't as bad as it could be I guess.  I have a lot of things that I need to get done.  The albums, the 808 tones set perfectly so it doesn't distort, shopping online for equipment.  This is going to set me way behind schedule for a bit.  

On January 12, 2023, I cut tobacco out of my life and it seems that there are a whole world of opportunities and more distracted moments than I care to admit.  I also quit fentanyl 5 years ago this August, April 1st is my 2 year sobriety mark and I'm fatter than ever due to compensating for all these changes that happened.  Bad habits are replaced with even worse habits it seems.

I feel I can't express myself the right way sometimes in my work.  Who thought that there would be such a brick wall between what I am trying to say vs what I do say?  Goodness, I just seem to keep losing my mind at times when I can't put my finger on the right word that would complete the scene perfectly.  

For now, i guess I can just chill.  It's Friday night, I have nothing to do beyond midnight and I think that the less I stress, the more wonders it will do for me overall mentally.  Just keep sucking down water and not caring, that seems to be my Friday night.

Am I complaining?  Nope.  I am simply stating fact.  The fact is, also, nothing would make me happier than a trip to bed for a few hundred years.  Lately I seem to be so tired it's unreal.  However, this is just normal for me, I feel find otherwise.  I just have this big drowsiness about me I can't shake since Wednesday.  It's like "Dang, Gina".

Been thinking about hooking up with some old friends south of where I am now.  I feel like it's been too long and visits are long overdue.  I feel like a total traitor leaving one state for another but I felt it was more necessary just to get out of where the trouble was.  I just knew too much where the drugs and alcohol were and preferred to just not even stay where I could fall farther down the spiral.  Too many bad decisions sometimes call for one major move that will change everything for the better.  So, why do I feel so guilty if I did the right thing?  I feel like I abandoned things when I moved out of state.  I hate regret, it makes me uncomfortable.

Here lately there seems to be this influx of people who can't drive here anyway so what would be the point of tolerating those who keep a 500 foot following distance between them and another vehicle?  It's not an emergency vehicle on its way to a call with lights and sirens blaring, it's a Buick that you feel you have to keep 500 feet behind in your giant Ford pickup truck!  Meanwhile I'm back here needing to go somewhere and you want to poke along doing 18 in a 45?!  I hope you aren't that bad of a driver and that you were just unfamiliar with the power of the vehicle (LOL on the inside, about to explode on the outside!!!!!!!!).  Power on a Ford Pickup Truck?!  Seriously?  Especially a 250 or 350?!  You can't even press the pedal down quick enough to peel out because the motor is so slow to accelerate as it is!  18 MPH though, wow...

I wonder sometimes if the world is really as dumb as they seem and then I think I need to be slapped for even wondering in my head what could manifest in front of me.

I'm so glad I'm a writer and I record my own original work, at least I can put my frustrations down on screen or in an audio track.  

So, yeah, that's my first Blog Entry.  Welcome to my world, claim a corner and stay a lifetime if you want, there's plenty of room to crash.