Monologue for Mac

3/7/2022

MAC walks onstage. It is a TED talk. The audience claps. Clapping subsides. MAC makes a frowny face.

MAC:

I used to be a milkman, y’know. (clapping starts again) Haha, thank you, thank you. Anyway, I used to be a milkman. I used to milk men all day long. I mean, look at these arms (flexes biceps). Built these babies lugging milk cartons all day long, from 3 in the morning till 2. And they weren’t your light, paper thin grocery cartons. Back in my day, they were these big ol glass ones, about 6 in a case, have to carry em back and forth from my milk truck to the porch. eyup. Just sunrise to sunset, you’d see me chuggin’ milk baaack and forth. Back and forth. All day long. But it was good work, real good for me. Helped me get a grip after that… crack thing I had. My wife still left me though. Took the kids. When I finally started to clean myself up she told me she can’t live a life with a milkman cause there’s “not enough money to feed the kids,” or, “I don’t want to live in an RV forever.” And then she went of to marry some, hot-shot banker from Boston named (dumb voice) “Jeff” “Jeff!” Well I’ll tell you this right now, when groceries needing carrying, or milk needs lugging, she’ll have no choice but to come crawling back to me, the milkman. 

And you know what I’ll say? “Uh-uh!” No way! You lost your chance a long time ago. Look, I get leaving after the prison, cause of my crack habit…, but after I got my milk job?

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