Lol my orientation is a mess

Hey all. So I've been doing some thinking and I think I might actually need to admit to myself that I'm gray-aro.

It's the kind of thing I only notice when I'm in relationships with other people - I know what romantic attraction feels like for myself, but when I'm in relationships with people who actually are bi, the label I've been using, it's clear they love more deeply and more thoroughly than me.

No one has ever had a problem with it if I explain to them that I'm clearly not experiencing the same thing they are, but it was always sort of dismissive - like "whatever, you still clearly love me" sort of reactions.

I don't seek out romantic relationships. The only two relationships I've ever been in, the other party was the one to seek out being in a relationship with me. I stayed with them because I enjoyed them and they both lasted a couple of years, and the latter was a healthy and happy relationship. But I don't really mind not being in relationships at all. Romance is nice but it was never a core part of my life and especially in my second relationship it really felt like the other party expected it to be more important to me than it was.

I can't really put it into words but it's weird thinking I had my sexuality etc pretty much figured out but that I've definitely been lying to everyone and myself about it. I don't even list my sexuality most places because I'm more attached to the fact that I'm trans and plural than my bisexuality - but even then, I'm definitely more demisexual than bisexual and if I'm gray-aromantic that means I've just been wrong about everything.