starting clinicals soon [vent ish]

In two weeks I'm going to walk into a nursing home for the first with my class and I'm more excited than ever but I'm still so afraid.

Aside from all the possible mess ups and still not knowing how to convert ounces to millimeters (whihc is VITAL) I'm still more afraid of how i'm even gonna be able to function?? Bc ofc I'm not gonna do perfect and I'm there for the learning experience, but Idk how I'll be able to handle myself mentally. I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety lately and overstimulatation that makes me feel physically ill, and panic attacks that I get literally partially paralyzed from bc I can stop hyperventilating like an idiot. Absolutely terrified that I'm gonna fail to hold myself up while I'm there and completely humiliate myself and my teachers or cause harm to a resident or myself. 

The only thing I can think of to help myself is trying to improve my physical health like eating and sleeping better, bc I don't take any meds and I can't magically make all my problems go away, and I can't walk in there wearing headphones or with stim stuff. I'm so scared that maybe I'm just to mentally weak for all this. If I can't even function in the a nursing home then I'm definitely not gonna make it to a hospital or anywhere near the army x_x

I wish I wasn't so sensitive and I wish I knew how to become stronger. I wish my stress tolerance would stop dissolving tf away like cmon wtf 

But anyway I'm super excited to do all the things I love, and I'll be there with my teachers that I trust very much. I'm very lucky to be in the program and it's expected that I use this time to figure myself out, so that's what I'll do >_<