Life updateee (really long blog)

Update on march 16

this whole blog was really fucking ironic and it didnt age well bc almost everything is becoming the opposite

I feel like I don't make enough feel good blogs, so I will start making some after this blog i promiseee. 

So idk if anyone else is like this but sometimes I don't know what emotion I'm feeling, it's kind of weird but If I think about it too much then I just feel nothing, like emotionless. Despite that, recently I think I've been pretty happy!!! There's always a few dilemmas but nothing major. I've been also singing a lot, I really love singing. It makes me feel good and I can do it for hours and hours. I love songs where I can just sing my heart out, and I feel like Ariana Grande songs are really good for me in that aspect. I love her music and her songs are fun for me to sing. Oh and I also like dancing as well, that's super fun!! Learning K-pop choreographies make me happy too and it's really good bc it helps me stay active when I'm cooped up in the house.

Something I wanna mention is that I feel like I'm changing a bit as a person. I'm used to being modest, responsible, respectful and overall the goody two shoes type of person because that's how I was raised to be and that's how I've been until now. I've noticed this change since last year but now it's wayyy more noticeable, and well yeah this is probably due to just getting older but I don't feel completely ready yet. I don't exactly know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it to be honest. Sometimes I do things reckless and irresponsible but I don't know why, I don't want to do these things so why do I do it? It really just comes as a shock to me, I think to myself "Is the really the type of person I am?" I think that the fact I was homeschooled and away from the internet for so long plays a big role in this. I'm so used to being at home and watching cartoons bc I was never allowed to do anything else growing up, and all my friends stopped talking to me. So bc of this I tend to act a bit uhh like a little kid?? I think part of me wants that to change, but I'm not going about it in the right way so I'm working on that bc it's really important!

So now lets talk about confidence, I don't have a lot of that but I'm trying to gain it. A certain someoneeee told me that I should stop downplaying myself so here I ammm trying to appreciate myself more. So what am I not confident about exactly? Well.. everything lol. I'm working on alll of it tho dw, i'm gonna get there eventually.

Ok but lets talk about friends now, I only have 2 irl friends. One of them doesn't even have phone service so I can't ever communicate with them unless I ask my mom to contact their mother. As for my other friend, she lives an hour away so we don't see each other often and my mother does not like this friend of mine bc she swears a lot. She doesn't talk to me all that muchh anyways tho. It seems I'm always out of luck when it comes to meeting people and making friends bc I'm socially awkward, I have social anxiety and im like shyyy n all that.

It's alright tho bc either way I'm doing fine rn!!!

I don't think I have anything else to talk about so in conclusion, even if it doesn't seem like it, I'm actually pretty happy and I think i'm at an okay point in my life for once :O

I'm good on money rn, I have a wonderful s/o ^ ^ anddd I think I might be gaining some confidence!!! So everything is really great as of right now.

My next blog will be about all of my goals I have.

For right now I need to sleep though bc it is around 3 am as of typing this.