Beethoven and childhood trauma

TW—childhood abuse, parentification, suicidal ideology and a failed suicide attempt!
 

 
 
 Many people know of Beethoven's tendency to be aggressive, what people don't usually know is the cause of his aggression was the brutal abuse he went through in his childhood, this is a short summary, i could go into waaay more details but, this is long already </3 

When Ludwig was born, his father knew right away what he wanted to raise his son to be, the next Mozart, he forced Ludwig to play the piano as soon as he physically could, the exact age isn't really known, but it's like around 3 or 4 years old, his father was not a nice teacher, Beethoven would be yelled at, insulted and hit if he made any type of mistake, this abuse wasn't inflicted just by the father, as Beethoven's music teacher was strict and physically abusive as well, thought it was nothing in comparison to Johann's (Ludwig's father) abuse, he'd lock him in a cellar, call him an embarrassment and physically drag him out of bed to force him to play all night, Johann was a drunk and his wife never Ludwig him, so little Ludwig was abused every day, all day, both physically and mentally, when Beethoven was 7 his father decided to put his son into shows, lying to the audience that he was actually 6, which confused Ludwig as well, the drunk didn't make much money, so it was up to Beethoven to earn enough money to feed the family, this didn't get any better after his siblings were born either, the father was too drunk to parent the children and the mother was extremely sick, so Ludwig did the majority of raising his siblings, unlike his mother, he actually did try to defend his siblings from the abuse, often breaking up the fights his father caused or just joining them. Because of all the responsibilities Ludwig had, he became shy and distrustful of others, such behavior carried onto his adult life as well, as he had a handful of long-term friends. 
 
After his mother died, the abuse got worse, which influenced Ludwig to leave for good, and even thought he continued financially to support his siblings he refused to visit his father, no matter how much his siblings begged him to come, it didn't take long until his siblings moved into the same town as he did, though. Ludwig would isolate himself a lot after he became independent, as well as start drinking and get fights over the years, he wasn't taking care of himself at all.
 
When he started to go deaf he began to spiral, he hid himself from his family and friends and became suicidal, in an unsent letter he wrote “I have realized that it would be incredibly easy to kill myself” he later detailed how without music he is worthless, music is his only good quality and without it, he's as good as a dead man, thought he luckily did manage to overcome this state of mind, though he did continue to spiral, and he never properly managed to overcome depression.
Beethoven was a family man, he valued family over anything else (which the fact that he didn't go to his father's funeral is even more telling about their relationship) he has attempted many times to form a relationship with a woman which was really difficult as he was poor, shy and quite socially unattractive, so he never managed to get a wife and in result, a child, which he wanted badly, he quite loved raising his siblings even if it was difficult, he wanted a child badly, and one part of his motivation is that he wanted to prove that he wasn't like his father, the closest thing he had to a son was his Nephew, Karl.
 
Even thought Ludwig's relationship with his brother was quite rocky, but Ludwig was willing to see his brother even if he was mad, just to spend time with Karl, when his brother passed away Ludwig was given half the custody, which he shared with his brother's widow, which he never approved of and deemed a bad parent because she committed theft in the past, so he fought tooth and nail for full custody, the battle was extremely petty and draining, and it took 4 years, Ludwig's reputation was at an all-time low, but he didn't care, he just wanted to have custody of Karl, even if it costed him his entire career which he focused his entire life on. I could make a whole post about the custody case because it was so God damn messy, but, this post is just a summary of how trauma manifested in Ludwig.

While Ludwig wasn't abusive in any shape or form, he wasn't a good parent either, and while he loved Karl, he wasn't willing to compromise to give what's ultimately best for him. Karl was just 9 when his father died, 13 when the court has decided to take him away from his mother, and in desperation to not be like his father, Ludwig became an enabling and overprotective parent to Karl, Karl would often act out and once he even stole from one of Ludwig's pupils, which Ludwig did get mad at but still defended Karl and basically just gave him a slap on the wrist. Johann would react aggressively to Ludwig's mistakes, Ludwig stayed pretty apathetic towards Karl's, this especially shows in piano, Ludwig wanted Karl to at least try piano as he believed that his nephew is capable of becoming as great at the piano as other composers in the family, so Ludwig hired Czerny to teach Karl piano, but Czerny quickly recognized Karl's lack of talent and when he approached Ludwig about it Ludwig became enraged and argued with Czerny as he believed that Karl is capable of pretty much anything, which is why when Karl turned 19 and announced to Ludwig that he wishes to join the military, Ludwig didn't let him, he didn't want someone who he addressed as his son risking his life like that, Karl wanted to join the military because he believed that it's the only job he was capable of holding, he wasn't ambitious like his father and uncle and the pressure from Ludwig to do better eventually broke Karl, he bought two guns and went on a hill that Ludwig often took him to, and he attempted to shoot himself in the head with both guns, he missed luckily, and he simply fell off the hill and passed out, he was found a day after, and he wished to be taken to his mother, and so they brought him to her, both the suicide attempt and the lack of communication broke Ludwig, and after he heard that the reason Karl tried to kill himself is that Ludwig kept pressuring him to do better, he fell into the deepest state of depression in his life, he barely walked out of the house and got drunk a lot, he became sick quickly after as well, he gave up on the dream of being a father to Karl as he had felt like he just became a new version of his own father, Beethoven passed away soon after Karl moved out, but Karl did go to his funeral, visited his grave a couple times as well, Karl had a son later in life that as far as we know, he raised well, so eventually, the cycle of abuse broke.