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“that’s not how i want you to remember me”
i remember you as
someone who was always there, even if i didn’t want you to be, and then someone who wouldn’t show up at all
the person who would wink at out secrets and run my back on the floor
who wrote songs for me in their basement, thinking i was still in love with their voice
who wouldn’t raise their voice but had to hold back from a hit to the face
the person who whispered to me how happy they were in that moment and then how miserable i made them months later
who always wanted to dance, no matter how much i refused, i know it was pushing it
who told me nothing was wrong while having just burnt down my house in pain
the person who told me i was perfect but still, not a good person
a little thing that chose homeless over teachers and pinned half alive crickets to die over night
who lied so much i forgot it was a lie, letting me live in my “bliss”, my “joy”
the girl who asked me about the future,
who i had to meet with disappointment
time after down pouring time
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