rant thingy ig XP

ok so for a bit of background, a few years ago i had a HUGE emo phase. like the hair, skinny jeans, and everything. because of this, i got bullied and got made fun of. eventually, i got tired of it and decided to go back to "normal." so now, after a year of not getting called weird or ugly and finally having good relationships with the people around me, i decided to cut my bangs. i cut them into the side-swept 2000s bangs. and to this my mom said i was losing my prettiness and im turning emo again. suddenly, im 12 on the bus getting told to kms and my mom texting me saying i might get sent to the ward when i get home. the whole idea of getting made fun of for being emo torments me. especially after getting made fun of my whole life for how i present myself, i was finally starting to fit in. but i did one small thing to my hair, and now i'm facing backlash. 

"You're losing your prettiness."

but i am pretty. at least i think i am. i want to like how i wanna look, not how others want me to look. i'd like to say i don't care, but it's hard not to care. i, in fact, do care. because i care, it hurts. therefore, i need a way to let it out. so i go into my room and i start sobbing. it's all i can do now. after about 10 minutes of this, my mom walks in and immediately asks if im trying to be emo again. im sitting here sobbing with tears staining my face and all she can say is that im trying to be emo again?? 

after a lifetime of not getting along with myself and the world around me, i was able to pull myself out of that. but it still doesn't feel good being in the same position i was in 4 years ago.