A Conversation

(between two people who don't exist.)

content warning: suicidal allusions.

Say we’re the last two people on Earth,

...What are you talking about?

Just hypothetically speaking.

Maybe we’re the last two survivors of some crazy apocalyptic event,

Or one day we wake up and everybody else is just gone,

Or we come into being one day on an empty planet without our memories,

What would you do?

…I don’t think I understand what you’re getting at, really.

Just think about it for a moment.

Would you be scared?

Would you want to continue on?

What would a world of just the two of us be like?

…

I don’t know.

I’m not really sure what I’d get out of that.

Would I ever know how the world ended?

Would I ever know what happened to everybody else?

Would I ever recover the memories that escaped me?

Would I even care about these questions?

You’re the one asking them.

You started it.

Touché.

But really,

What would you do?

What do you think?

…

I…

I don’t know if I’d want to continue on.

What point would there be?

I’d be there.

But I wouldn’t remember you.

Would I still feel a connection to you without any memory?

Maybe I’d just view you as an obstacle.

Maybe I’d just be afraid of you.

Maybe I wouldn’t even acknowledge you at all.

In a scenario like that,

I think I’d get overwhelmed.

Despair would take me.

And…

…

What would you do?

Something dumb.

Something I’d never come back from.

Something I’d hate myself for.

What else would there be for me to do?

Continue on.

…It’s hard.

It’s really hard to continue.

It’s always so hard to keep going.

I don’t know why I do it now.

I barely see a reason as is.

Without anything to ground me,

I wouldn’t be here.

I think you should give yourself more credit.

You’ve made it this far.

You’d make it further.

You will make it further.

Even if it was just us,

And no one else was still around,

And our connections and our memories and everything that gave us meaning left our beings,

I think we’d find a reason to continue.

Whether it be something as petty as seeing the sun rise another day,

Or just pure stubbornness at making sure we die on our own terms,

I think you and I…

I think we’d survive.

…

I don’t know how to believe you.

You don’t need to.

I want to prove it to you.

Because you’re all I have.

And I don’t want to lose you.

In any lifetime,

In any scenario,

Even if I forgot you.

I don’t want to picture a world without you.

…I can’t promise something I know I can’t keep.

I want to trust you.

I want to believe in you.

I want to be the person who loves you when you can’t love yourself.

You shouldn’t sacrifice yourself for my sake.

I’m not doing it for your sake!

I’m doing this because I want to.

I’m doing this because I want to be there for you.

I’m doing this because I love you.

You’re repeating yourself too much.

Because I need you to believe me when I say these things.

What you experienced in your life,

Even if it isn’t as bad as what other people have gone through,

It doesn’t mean you had a happy childhood.

It doesn’t mean your experiences aren’t valid.

It doesn’t mean your trauma is less deserving of being taken seriously.

Even if you did hurt people, you regret it to your core.

You lashed out at people trying to be your friend because you didn’t understand how to deal with the idea of somebody who didn’t hate you.

And when those friendships broke,

Be it because of yourself or another factor,

It made you terrified at the thought you’d lose somebody you loved again.

So, you just kept pushing everybody away.

…So why did I accept you?

I don’t know.

Maybe I’m just stubborn.

But I’m here.

I’ll always be here.

I don’t want to leave your side.

…

…It’s cold.

…My hands are warm.

…

…I guess they are.