Relationship :/

I’m 16 and I’ve never been in a relationship. 

I guess I could sit around indefinitely and contemplate what’s wrong with me, but I don’t think I would come up with any satisfactory conclusion. I guess it does make it hard to get with someone as an openly queer teenager in a small conservative town. And I’m not exactly the most charming person out there lmao. 

The closest I get to “flirting” is inviting someone to go on an awkward walk with me that includes minimal conversation and lots of internal screaming.

This isn’t what I want to be talking about though.

There’s this girl, who I’ll call C. She’s from my school, but we became friends through Instagram. We both love cats and we like collecting things, she’s so funny and sweet, we both had a weird warrior cats phase in 5th grade, and our senses of humor click, and we constantly relate to each other about our depression.

And she’s so pretty. So so pretty. She’s always wearing a beanie, and she has brown and pink hair like me. She wears baggy clothes and she’s got a nose and eyebrow piercing. She’s got such a cute nose and eyes and face and everything. 

She’s the first crush I’ve had in a long time, so of course it goes comically bad. It’s almost funny.

Now of course if you know anything about me you know that I’m not the type to ask out a girl I like. You wouldn’t catch me making the first move if my life depended on it. But I was talking to her. Almost every day. Sure sometimes she would leave me on delivered for 47 hours, but I didn’t get the vibe that she was on Instagram a lot, so I didn’t count that as a red flag. It made me die inside, but that’s besides the point.

Now, sometimes she would post pictures of her hanging out with this guy my friend liked. Long story short, he was basically leading my friend on just to keep options open in case things didn’t work out with C. And they did.

Cut to: C and (let’s call him E) are dating. My best friends ex-situationship and my ex-nothing are together.

and of course I can‘t let it happen without the gushing self depreciation and comparing myself to the guy she chose.

He’s funny, he’s loud, he’s charismatic, he’s good looking, he’s confident, he’s popular. The things I wish I was. And he’s a fu*king man.

I don’t think C is straight but it’s still salt in the wound. Of course out of all the people she decides to date it’s the hot funny ~boy~

And this is why I’ve never dated. Nobody wants my queer ass.

Happy Valentine’s Day.