uhh uaahh uh uh

I’ve been planning on this for awhile. I don’t really plan this (?) But, Like

TW Dissociation/Derealization (???) & Vent Warning.

TW Prosh¡pping (you can skip all of this to the bottom) the reason i made all of this into one blog Is because I didn’t feel like separating each blogs to blogs

I keep repeating doing the same things but I might quit this app or, you knouuu run away from this account create a new one and make new mutuals in there, classic disappearance of mark

my mental health hasn’t been that very well, too many stuff, too many personal things. Still post art though

Dissociation/Derealization part (??)

I also have been feeling where i don’t feel connecting to other people nor myself, anyone, I don’t even feel connected with my real name and my Internet name Elliot Mark Marshal. Don’t Worry! I’m not saying I’m self diagnosing, or saying I have a disorder. I just constantly feel unconnected for whatever reason either way, I’ll explain this later on. It’ll be too much

pretttty sorry If i misused the word Dissociation and Derealization 

but either way, I also always felt jealousy whenever I see someone who’s objectively better than me. I mean! I’m happy for them for getting so much attention in art but, Why do I even feel this way? 

I love my friends, artist I love. but I’ve always wanted what they had. many friends, and the fact that their friends Is always there for them and they appreciate their existence so much. I mean, I wish I was there for them, but It’ll ending up sounding annoying, but what I did was explainable anyway.

all I do Is running away from people who truly love me, why the hell would they love me anyway, shit i spammed their homepage witht teacher bald men doing poses.

but still, call me Lego Batman because I ran away from people I love and people who love me just because i thought they were doing it just so they would made me feel better about myself, and how they would leave me later on. I shouldn’t be in the internet anyway at this age.

 I mean, It’s 13+ But still.

also a note, the reason I’m putting it In Public Is Because I could see it anytime when I’m not logged in my account. + Apology

I’ve been treating my friends kind and be loving to them, hoping one day I’ll be treated the same way as them. the Internet really ruined me, especially Social Medias. but without em, there will be no us between me and Efilin. And my personality and behavior will stay shit for years, 

there was many Friends of mine and Videos in Social Medias where they actually and genuinely Inspire me to be a good person, I couldn’t tell, when I started Social Media Art career I felt like improving myself or I just felt Inspired to do it. I don’t even remember year 2022 nor 2021, shit sucks ass and i hate it. I don’t think I’m even brave to brought it up, It’s embarrassing as hell anyway

but even so, there was only major improvement of myself at December 2022. I liked 2021 though, not the rest of it nor even the rest of 2022. I hate it, In general. all of them except Dec22 like I mentioned.