so brokeback mountain fucking broke me

!!!MAJOR SPOILERS FOR BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN!!!

so... i found a new favorite movie. i have watched brokeback mountain 3 times since sunday and im absolutely in love. that movie has slightly broken my psyche, but yknow shit happens. i havent been feeling great in the head, so a sad movie has been fitting for me.

i relate to jack quite a bit. i would give up anything to run away with the girl im in love with, but i dont think shed do the same. i feel him when he says he would do anything to just live out his life with ennis, but ennis isnt giving in.

i saw a tumblr post saying that jack wanted to live but ennis wanted to survive, and i believe thats absolutely true. i have never felt such a gut punch watching a movie as i did when i saw the postcard that had been stamped "deceased" when ennis picked up his mail. it felt like absolute shit when you watched these two people try to make it work for almost 20 years and then see it all end in a matter of minutes. it fucking hurts seeing these characters youve spent the past hour and a half growing to love and empathize lose each other due to a world not meant for them. it fucking hurts seeing the closing scene of ennis looking at their clothes from that first summer on brokeback next to a postcard from the first time jack came back up from texas and hearing him say "jack, i swear."

tldr: i watched sad gay cowboy movie and it made me cry a lot

edit: also funny thing about the filming of this movie, heath ledger almost broke jake gyllenhaals nose bc he kissed him so hard and i wish someone would do that to me.